she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
my poor anus
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That was before I lit my hair on fire
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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