The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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