Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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