My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
