Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
