For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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