Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
