I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
