i don't like sucking hair
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize