We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize