I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
