According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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