Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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