I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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