Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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