A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
