pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
