Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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