Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
