Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
