I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
