So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
