i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
