I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
