I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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