Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
