i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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