my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
