two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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