id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Swine flu is the new snow day.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
