You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize