I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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