You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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