So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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