I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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