very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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