can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
