God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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