My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
