New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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