You made me cry and you don't even care
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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