"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
