I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
