dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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