I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
