So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
