well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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