remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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