I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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