Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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