He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
