Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
