This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
