Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize