I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
