now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
