I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
