i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
