I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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