why didn't you poke me back
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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