So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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