just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
