i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dear god my vagina.
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