i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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