I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
