One girl and one boy is just not enough.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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