so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
