So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
