I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
