I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
