Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
