There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
