I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
