Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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