2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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