God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
