Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
