Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
