I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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