so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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