I wish my penis had an off switch
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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