I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
