You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
