I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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