Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize