So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
